Ferndale Seniors

AS YOUNG PEOPLE THINKING ABOUT GROWING OLD, we all had things we feared about the transition. Losing our health, our agility, our looks, having to live on less money, being alone. These all looked so scary when we were in our 40s, and 50s.

But, in reality, as we reach and pass our 70s, we have encountered bad health and survived, learned to live on less money, we know our looks have faded, and accept our loss of agility.

Here is the secret: Losing our independence. That is it. That is at the base of all our fears. When we hear of one of our group moving into assisted, it is like hearing that that person has died. We all get somber, and quiet. That person is no longer independent. She cannot come and go as she pleases, she has to eat when and what someone else gives her, she lives under supervision. It doesn’t matter that our friend is 90-plus-years old or that she says that she loves it there. She has lost her right to make decisions, and that is so final.

Because of this, many of us tend to go to outrageous lengths to avoid asking for help. We don’t want to bother anyone. We struggle with heavy packages, climb on furniture to reach stuff, shovel snow, and in general tackle things we shouldn’t, just so we appear independent.

Virginia had a computer problem. The tech told her to bring it in. Problem? The computer was on her second floor. Not a problem for Virginia. She loaded it into her laundry basket, placed it by the stairs, scooted to the stairs, and nudged it down backwards, step by step. Clever? Yes, dangerous? Hell yes! But, she simply refused to ask anyone for help, although probably a half dozen would have. And I completely agree with her.

ONE DAY LAST WINTER, the garbage man left my cans on top of the snow banks. Totally inaccessible for me. Virginia made a suggestion, and it worked. I went out with a broom and banged the cans into the street, then went and collected them. I knew that I would only have to text my tenant, and he would have gotten them for me. But ask for help? Nope, not me.

Joyce goes out with a special shovel and gets the snow off her roof. Now, that takes strength.

I see my fellow seniors shoveling the free compost into small buckets in the back of their cars. They make several trips, taking three times as long as the job should take. I know why. They can’t lift and carry more than that bucket.

Sometimes we have to bite the bullet and ask, and I do. My son knows that if I am asking I have tried every-thing I can think. We are afraid of not being self sufficient, so we over-do.

Where am I leading with all this? I have no clue. It’s just the way it is.

So, the next time you see a little old lady doing something in a really odd manner, go ahead and laugh. We do.

Jeannie Davis, 248 541 5888